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A Break from Inherent Rules

Lockdown had a sudden and very powerful impact on me, it gave me so much free time to think and analyze the world around me. I figured it wouldn’t last long, and the newfound freedom gave me a temporary high. All I did was binge-watch shows and sleep the first few weeks. Once I realized it was going to be pretty long, I tried to do something that would actually help me. I started a course and started working out. It lasted a few weeks after which I gave up and reverted back to a messed up sleep schedule and TikTok all day. However, the lockdown has made me rethink a lot of things. What I want to do with my life, the things I want to do in the long run, and to some extent, I was disappointed I didn’t want to go back to school. Everyone missed school, and although I missed the people in it, I didn’t miss it that much.

I was pretty content with lockdown, it gave me so much time alone and I realized how much I missed being by myself. Just the thought of a jam-packed schedule for school makes me feel sick. I feel like lockdown as a whole had a positive impact on me, I didn’t force myself to do anything, and tried my best to be as productive as possible. I may have gotten a little diverted at times but I guess that’s ok as long as I did something useful. However, the one thing that kind of ate me up on the inside was not being able to go outside. I do miss the restaurants, shopping, going on drives, but I’d still prefer lockdown. Being locked at home gave me a sense of freedom I never knew existed. I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with absolutely no deadlines or pressure. How much ever I want to go outside after this ends I am going to miss it.

I’m going to miss staying up late, eating at midnight, having a 15 hour average screen time. I know they’re self-destructive habits, but it gives me a twisted sense of pleasure to break such inherent rules. Lockdown just made me realize that I am pretty self-sufficient, and was a really fun experience. 

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