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A letter To My 13 Year Old Self

You may think you’re in control but you’re not. Anorexia is in control of you. You’re in a cycle of self-destruction. You block out help from all of your friends. You are so stubborn. But I understand how trapped and helpless and ashamed you feel. I was there. You can like yourself again. Your life does not have to be controlled by anorexia. You are strong enough to eat. You will slowly regain all the weight you lost. It will be difficult, but you will get there. You’ll deal with it by yourself. As a student, you won’t talk about it. You won’t tell any of your new friends it was once part of your life. You will fear stigma and shame. You won’t want to worry your family, as they have been through enough already with your behavior. As you recover, you’ll spend years ‘re-wiring’ your brain, creating new memories with foods that have scared you for so long. You copy friends eating habits and potion sizes. You’re trying so hard to change inspire of the voice screaming at you inside You will feel healthy, strong, you will enjoy food, you will get through your exams, you will do sport for pleasure, not to lose weight. You’ll enjoy eating meals at celebrations, eating out with your friends. Instead of hiding in the bathroom and purging those meals, you will dance and laugh with your friends You will experience things that trigger you, make you doubt your recovery. Every meal will feel like a battle and the guilt afterwards makes you cry all night. But don’t slide back into your old habits You KNOW it was worse back then And later, You will notice others who are struggling with an eating disorder. Help them to see there is a way to recovery, and encourage them to take that first step to get help. On your recovery journey, be brave to ask for help, you deserve it Break the stigma.

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