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I Kept Denying I Was Transgender

At the age of 8, my parents began to allow me to buy clothes for myself, and choose what I wanted to wear. They took me to the girls section of a clothing store (which is something I find weird since clothes literally have no gender) and told my to pick what I wanted. However my eyes kept darting to the 'boys' section and towards the more masculine looking clothes. I ended up buying a few. At home, I'd wear my brother's old clothes and I felt so comfortable in them. That's probably the first time I felt gender euphoria. Ages 8 through 11, I kept my hair short, presented more masculine and liked to be called a shorter version of my given name. I felt so happy when I did this. Yet even today I remember how devastated and uncomfortable I felt every time I was forced to wear a dress or some piece of clothing that made me look feminine. I didn't know why, but looking more masculine made me feel great. At the age of 12 I discovered the term 'transgender'. I supported people who were with my whole being, but denied that I was. I denied it to the point where I forced myself to change and present more feminine. I played it off and pretended like I liked it. I asked people to stop calling me by the nickname I'd grown so fond of. I fell in to depressive stages and I hated myself so much. I began to harm myself, and nearly fell into an eating disorder. But after taking some time to think for myself, I've finally learnt how to accept myself and how to be me. I am a boy. I can't change that. I'm learning to love myself more everyday. The support I've received from coming out to close friends has been immense. Yes, the dysphoria can get bad sometimes, but I have some people who are willing to help me out. I'm so grateful for everything I've been through, as the grass is always greener on the other side.

Written By - Anonymous

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