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This is my story on how my struggle with anxiety and depression and taught me about health and happiness.
I had this problem of anxiety since childhood but from 2017 I started to realize that it was a serious problem and needed to be worked upon. I used to feel anxious when going to social events like marriages, birthday parties, and any other kind of gathering where there was a huge crowd. As my age increased my social anxiety also kept increasing as well. I started feeling anxious even while going to small events like meeting my friends, going to restaurants, or any other small place because I always had the feeling that everyone surrounding me was judging me. It caused me to run to the washroom or to an isolated place where I could calm myself down and gather my thoughts back again. As my anxiety increased I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder during my teen years. As this problem became consistent I started to face a lot of physical health issues along with these mental health problems which resulted in me not gaining weight, unconscious breathing, increased metabolism rate, and severe stomach problems during my examination times. Moreover, Constant anxiety caused recurrent depression and therefore there was a mix-up of anxiety and depression became a serious problem during my later years. The follow-up of depression happened because at that age I was going through various hormonal changes as a teenager. Was there a difference in my feelings when there was a mix-up of anxiety and depression? Yes definitely because depression intensified the rate of anxiety and suddenly I started feeling trapped and suffocated even in my own company and felt all I could do at that point of time was scream, I had harsh feelings of giving up on my life. Gradually I even started having suicidal thoughts and one day unknowingly I took unnecessary pain killers which was a result of an impulsive decision, I didn’t realize at that time what my mind was making my body do. You might be thinking, why did she not share her problems with anyone? Because the orthodox people have set in their minds regarding mental health issues, I strongly felt that no one would understand my situation and give me unwanted advice. When I first opened up to someone they didn’t understand the seriousness of what I was going through. When the person I opened up to did not understand what I was going through It hurt me even more. I was lonely and devastated but I gathered myself and I didn't want to burden any more people by opening up. Finally, I made the decision to help myself. I started organizing my thoughts and other issues, I practiced meditation and accepted the fact that only I was there for myself and that whatever has to be done only I myself could it as I believe in the saying that “GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES”. After this, I slowly started opening up to my friends and others and I realized I wasn’t being a burden to anyone. This time when I opened up it was nothing like the first time. The people I opened up to understood what I was going through and made me realize opening up to others helps you and is not a bad thing at all.
I’m so proud of myself, for being brave and not giving up, no matter what others said and thought about me. I have changed so much and I’m doing so much better in my life.
I want to tell people who are going through the same kind of problem opening up to others is not bad. Once I opened up, I could finally overcome my struggles. As I earlier, you should believe in the journey and start helping yourself instead of waiting for others to help you but if you need help there is no shame in asking for it.
Before I end my story, I advise people to just understand and support the people who are going through mental health problems and not demean them and give false advice if you don’t know the seriousness of what they’re going through. According to my experience, even a little bit of understanding and assurance that you will be there to support them is all they need to hear.
- Anonymous source, interviewed and put together by Ashvika