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It all started in the seventh grade when I was awaiting to become a teenager and the respect
which I would receive from my peers and obviously the want for popularity grew within me.
The lack of self esteem and the want of social acceptance hurts every single teenager. Truth is when we cannot accept ourselves how do we expect the outside world to accept us.
My grades before the 8 th grade were often times terrible. I would end up disappointing my family and their pressure crushed me to crack and break down . Often times I would be insulted by my brother and the looks my parents gave me made feel like ‘a born loser’.
There was this one teacher who taught me for the 3 years I had been with him. Every single PTM we went he always send me and my father with the phrase’ he needs to get serious’.
I changed schools the following year and the situation was such that the distractions were a 50 pound weight taken off from my chest to help me breathe and let me explore my abilities.I could tell that the environment was extremely toxic and my peers would end up getting detentions and suspensions.
Later , a few days after I realised the facts about my surroundings, I promised to myself
I AM NOT GOING TO BE LIKE MY OLD SELF OR THEM EVER.That's when it all changed.
At the start of the assessments I saw myself improve because my percentage jumped from a 50-60. To be honest, I did not expect that much and I told myself how about we do that again and maintain that promise.I did it again and again . My performances were extraordinary to myself as I saw my percentage increase from a 60 -70 - 80 -85 -95. The record for an eight grader over there was a 96 and after my final results were released I saw myself with a record 98%.The promise of not wanting to be like anyone else and not be mediocre again changed my life and I saw myself take things seriously than before .
The following year I changed my school again as the school which i was already admitted in had comparatively lesser distractions than the new one. I chose a new challenge because when I go outside to the real world I want to be ready. I shifted from an Indian board to an international board which gave me a four month vacation . Later ( due to the free time I had) I developed this habit of overthinking and starting going too hard on myself for a lot of things . I realised that i also made the wrong decision by changing school and the expectations my parents kept for me to get into the top universities of the world came in and salted my overthinking. I gradually went into depression and I had these contacts who sold drugs. I would not start drugs immediately (I told that to myself) I got into really bad company . So I would watch these people get high and not bother about what was going on around them . I decided to give it a try . Later I would go hangout with this company , steal cash from my parent’s purse and go out at nights sneakily and get high. It grew into a disastrous habit and I didn’t know what to do.
School started a few weeks later and I was still addicted and I would carry them into the school. I could not stop myself and I tried to keep as much as distance from the new people because I was nervous .
On a certain weekend I was going through my stuff and I saw my endurance award from last year and it all came back to me. I stopped taking drugs because adversity had given me a life taking blow on the chest. I stopped gradually everyday by decreasing the consumption little by little and i would not feel well everyday . I was highly likely to fall asleep anywhere. And all of this no one knew about and I went through it all alone.It was immensely hard but the desire to become the best again drove me through this . I went through this without rehab and I recovered . Of course I lost my self esteem, but now Its rebuilt to its highest and I will become the best again.
Hoped I inspired you:)