So, What If I Don't Look Like You, As Long As I'm Happy

All my life, I always dressed, acted and looked younger than my peers. I never noticed it in elementary school, but in middle school it became noticeably clear that I was different in some way. Even now, when I look back at pictures from the 3rd or 4th grade, I see the difference between our clothes. This may not seem like a big deal to you, so let me explain. I am a late bloomer. I am going into the ninth grade and have still not gotten my period. It isn't something I'm very self-conscious about, and I often joke about it with my friends. However, this had made me subject to many bullies. I've had ppl come up to me and talk about how no one will ever like me because I'm "not sexy" or "look like a door". In my friend group, I'm usually the silly one and I'm always laughing and smiling, so it becomes very awkward to talk about serious, emotional stuff. I would talk to my parents about it, but they don't really understand. They try to help, but they don't get the appeal of fitting in. They also don't let me wear a lot of clothes that are considered fashionable, like crop tops or such. Due to this, ppl has told me that I dress like a 4th grader, and that I should grow up. I told my parents about it, but they didn't know what to do. For example, I was recently diagnosed with anxiety. Before I convinced them to take me to a doctor, their way of solving it was taking away my phone. I know it's a stereotype, but I'm not joking! They really did that. Obviously, it didn't work. Anyway, over the last couple of years, I've had a lot of experience with bullies. My self confidence fell immensely. I'm also not the best student, so that didn't help. The 2 things that got me through was someone you can honestly talk to and none around with, and an escape. I was lucky enough to have a girl named Anvi in my grade who helped me through it all, even though she was struggling with her own issues. I don’t know where I would've been without her. As for an escape, find something that can exercise your mind, not just distract you. For me, that was kathak and fitness. I'm still working on it, but I'm getting back to normal. So, I wanted to share my story cause I'm slowly starting to accept me for me, and not care what others think, as long as I'm happy.